Stop the Stress: Creating a Peaceful Homeschool Environment
This is from my speech at Teach Them Diligently 2024
Stop the Stress:
Creating a Peaceful Homeschool Environment
Dear Mama,
Your homeschool days do not have to feel so stressful. Are you rushing around, trying to check off the list, and always feeling like a failure? Breathe. Your days don't have to be so hectic. Here are some tips, tricks, routines, and lots of links to resources and free, editable documents for you. I pray this blesses you!
Note: This page is full of resources from my talk at the Teach Them Diligently Conference in 2024. This won't read like a blog post, with full thoughts and explanations, because those details are in the speech. Instead, you will find a basic outline here, as well as lots of helpful links.
Rest
Being frazzled does not help your homeschool day.
I know what homeschool moms are like:
They sacrifice everything for their families. They sacrifice their sleep, they sacrifice a hot dinner, they sacrifice their hobbies. They even sacrifice their clothing budget, their grocery budget, and every other budget category to come to a homeschool conference like this one and buy stacks of books.
Mom--you've got to take care of yourself.
When your kids are young, you've got JOY, and EXCITEMENT, and you want to do all the things! If you try to do ALL THE THINGS, you're going to get burnt out.
I know too many moms of teens who are tired. Worn out. Frazzled. They feel done with homeschooling. Don't let that be you. Pace yourself.
Consider this like a marathon, not a sprint. Stop and rest. Sip some water. Breathe.
Cut out things that you don’t need to do, and that don’t really align with your family values. Consider that as you add things to your life.
When you're a stay-at-home-mom, people seem to think you're free to lead all kinds of ministries.
Please remember, homeschooling is a full-time job, and it's an important job.
Resources:
Read God's Word
Resources:
Other Ways to Take Care of Yourself:
Take epsom salt baths
Go on walks
Read books
Listen to podcasts
Eat good food (nourish your body)
Go on dates with your husband
Go out to coffee with friends
Take care of your body: get your teeth cleaned, your hair cut
If you have time and the budget to do so, get pedicures every now and then, or massages
Stop and breathe:
Sit with your feet on the floor. Close your eyes and breathe in deep and hold it, and then let it out slowly. Notice your feet on the floor--feel them. Notice where your hands and arms are--feel them.
This isn't new-agey. Just notice these limbs and body parts that God made, and fill the lungs He made you with much-needed oxygen.
Stop and do this often--especially when you feel frazzled. You are a human being, worthy of love, and care, and time.
Be You
"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well."
Psalm 139:13-14
This applies to you, too--not just your children. He knew that you would be exactly the right mom for the kids He gave YOU. You don’t have to be like any other homeschool mom
Who are YOU?
Do you prefer a rigid schedule, with a careful checklist, or to let the day take you wherever it goes?
Do you homeschool with clutter, or do you need 5 minute clean-up breaks every hour or two?
What are your passions?
What skills do you have?
What experiences have you had?
Your kids have a unique opportunity to learn from YOU. No other child in the world gets that.
Just for Fun:
If you feel like you’ve poured so much into other areas of life, like homeschooling, and you don’t even remember who you are, take a few hours, or a day and pray about this. Remember who you are. Remember who you were before your days were dedicated to meeting all of the kids’ needs.
Take a quick test to help you remember who you are:
If you are homeschooling in such a way that uses YOUR gifts and talents and passions, it's going to feel smoother and more joyful to you. Your kids will also get the very best version of you possible, because you won't be wasting time and effort trying to be like other people.
Let go of expectations
Sometimes the stress we feel in our homeschool environment is because of the expectations we or others have.
Other people’s expectations
Grandma
Neighbors
Anyone else
Remember God gave you this position! Nobody knows your kids like you do. Nobody on the planet is better equipped than you.
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Galatians 1:10
The school’s expectations
What grade are they in? The grade you designate. It doesn't have to be based on the public school's designated math or English levels.
No need to humiliate them and “hold them back.” Will they catch up? Probably.
School children don't spend much time learning, so don't stress when you can't get a "full" school day in.
According to the Forbes article, "Where Does School Time Go?” published in August 2023, even though students spend 5.5 hours or so at school, they’re really only spending about 2.3 hours actively learning
You don't have to do testing in many states. You can find your state's homeschool laws on the HLSDA site here.
Just for fun, take a look at the subjects Charlotte Mason covered in her schools here and here.
I broke down Charlotte Mason's schedules and made a spreadsheet (here's a link).
Your own expectations
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”
Proverbs 16:9
Don’t let the schedule or a to-do list rule your day
Be flexible as needed
Don’t give up when you have 5 minutes left and you allotted 15 minutes for a subject
5 minutes is better than nothing
Lots of 5 minute chunks add up
Whole-Family Homeschooling
Study the Same Subjects, All Together
Children in public schools are in different subjects for each grade.
For example, there are designated years to teach history topics, like Christopher Columbus and Lewis and Clark–if the school is teaching history at all.
Homeschool does not have to look like this!
Homeschool your children together for as many subjects as possible
These are some of the subjects you can do together:
I hear moms of teens saying they miss reading aloud to their kids, it was their favorite part of homeschooling.
I say, don’t stop!
They’re not too cool.
Tell them, this is our family culture, this is what we do.
They can still read books at their own level, but first, spend some time all together.
Just a little plug:
I created The Gentle Learning Company reading plans to encourage whole-family homeschooling, using a four-cycle approach.
Focus on Lovely Things
Sometimes the homeschool day can feel stressful because we are focused on the subjects that we think our kids HAVE to learn That energy and stress of HAVING to teach this subject by a particular time or spend a certain amount of time per day gets poured into that time, and nobody enjoys it. Your kids will learn to hate the subjects that you feel stressed about.
What are the Lovely Things?
First, God’s Word.
Read it. Memorize it.
God’s Word has the power to change your kids’ attitudes
Sing Scripture to music with your kids and get it stuck in their head
Nature
God made those things! They're beautiful! He is a decorator. Pay attention to His handiwork.
Go outside as often as you can
Read outside, sing outside, do exercise outside, grow a garden
Sketch and paint pictures of what you see
Some resources:
Lovely Things People Have Created
Art
The Gentle Learning Co. reading plans include one artist per term and one painting per week
Classical music
The Gentle Learning Co. reading plans include one composer per term and one song per week
Poetry
The Gentle Learning Co. reading plans include one poet per term and one song per week
Hymns
The Gentle Learning Co. reading plans include four hymns to sing each week and one hymn per week to read about
Hymns for a Kids' Heart books by Joni Eareckson Tada and Bobbie Wolgemuth
Tea time
Get out the fancy cups!
You can find inexpensive tea pots and tea cups at Home Goods, TJ Max, or a thrift store
Serve snacks
Your kids are a captive audience when they have food
Read, listen to an audio book, play an educational game
Simple Snack Ideas:
Veggies & Dip
Veggies & Peanut Butter, Almond Butter or Sunflower butter
Fruit & Cheese
Nuts
Seeds
Dried Fruit
Yogurt
Crackers and Cheese
Try New Snacks with Your Kids/Do "Taste Testing," Get Fancy if You Like
Varieties of Apples
Olives
Cheeses
Crackers
Dried Fruits
Beef Jerky or Pepperoni Sticks
Create Lovely Things!
Be creative. Make things with your hands. Paint, draw.
The Gentle Learning Company reading plans include suggested handicrafts each term
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Philippians 4:8
I believer you days will go smoother if you focus on lovely things.
Schedule Your Days (or don't)
Like I mentioned before, be you. If you’re not a big scheduler, I have some ideas for you, too.
I always go back to Full Focus Planners
Three month planner
Two page spread
Time slots, to do list, full blank page
I add stickers to mine
With any planner, I recommend that you only use the time slots for actual appointments. You will feel like a failure if you try to write your homeschool subjects in those time slots and something goes wrong. Don’t do it. Trust me.
With my Full Focus Planner, I carry an 18 month academic calendar, because a 3-month calendar isn't enough for me. I got mine from Rifle Paper Co., but they haven't released the 2024-2025 calendar yet. I have seen similar calendars at Barnes and Noble (I can't find these planners on their website. They will probably be out sometime this summer--before the school year). They don't have as smooth of paper (as the Rifle Paper Co. planner) but they are about the same size.
I’ve also used Plum Paper and I like that, because you can customize your own planner and have it spiral bound or bunched for a disc system, and their paper is so smooth.
Disc systems
Can print your own papers and add them if you own a punch.
Loop schedule
Loop schedules are great, because the subjects are not assigned by day or time slot. Just follow the schedule and move on to the next thing.
Make a spreadsheet with columns across
Going across a row, type in 1 subject, and repeat it. For example, Bible--every cell in that row will say Bible.
Type rows of all of the subjects you plan to cover. Examples:
Bible
Apologetics
Hymns
Read Aloud
History
Geography
Science
Nature Walk
Handicrafts
Life Skills
Math
Narration
Recitation
Copywork
Phonics
Character
Composer
Artist
Poet
Here is an example of a loop schedule:
Print your loop schedule. Go down the first column and check off each item or color in the box, and move on to the next subject.
Here is a copy of a loop schedule that you can edit.
Basket scheduling
Basket scheduling takes very little brain power to plan and implement.
Gather the books you want to read for the next several weeks, the term, the semester, or the whole year
Put a bookmark in each book. This can be as simple as a post-it-note or an index card.
Place the books in a basket, near your comfiest reading space.
When it's time to homeschool, grab the first book. Read until you feel like you're at a good stopping place. Put the bookmark in, and then set the book at the back of the basket.
Now, read the next book, and do the same thing.
You'll eventually get through all of the books this way!
It isn't as precise as other kinds of scheduling (figuring out how many sections are in the book and dividing it by the weeks in the year, etc.), but it's also less stressful this way. There is no designated amount of reading to get done in a particular subject in a day--just get some done. If you or your kids are particularly drawn to one of the books, read from that book exclusively and move on to the next book later.
Automate your life
Whatever areas of your life you can put on autopilot, the less brain space it will take up for you
Menus
Make menus ahead of time and reuse them. No need to re-invent the wheel every week. Take this stress off your plate.
I use Plan to Eat.
Make Menu Binders
Another idea, which I have used, is to make binders with menus in them:
Print 1 week's worth of recipes
Put them in clear plastic sheet protectors, in a binder, with dividers for each day of the week
Make a grocery list for the menu and put it in a clear plastic sheet protector in the binder, behind another divider
Copy this idea and make multiple binders and then rotate them
I have 8 binders
My binders are all different colors
I labeled them Menu 1, Menu 2, etc.
Create routines to help your menu planning:
For example:
Mondays chicken
Tuesdays beef
Wednesdays soup
Thursdays crockpot
Fridays pizza
It is less work to plan a menu when you have a general outline like this. You can still be creative!
Groceries
Sign up to receive shipments of the things you buy regularly. Then, you don't have to think about these things are feel surprised that you've suddenly run out of something important, like dishwashing soap or toilet paper. You do have to pay a bit of attention to these orders, so that you don't end up with too much avocado oil mayonnaise or organic cocoa powder (I may or may not have experience here!).
I order groceries from:
Farm deliveries/CSA (Community Supported Agriculture)
Cleaning Lists
Make cleaning lists and post them, so that you don't have to think about it too much.
Kitchen Jobs
In our family, we have a "Kitchen Jobs" list posted, with the following tasks:
Cook (each meal)
Put away food and clear and wash tables and counters (each meal)
Unload the dishwasher, wash dishes, put away clean dishes (each meal)
Feed the dog & take her out (each meal)
Laundry (each meal)
Take out the trash (once or twice per day)
Wash eggs (once per day)
Set the Roomba (once per day)
Here is a copy of an editable version of our Kitchen Jobs List
The kids can help with everything. There is no rule anywhere that says these things are mom's job. Even the littlest kids can help. When our boys were toddlers, we bought 3 small brooms and dust pans, each in a different color, and they swept up their own crumbs under the table after each meal. They were proud to help! I also used dishes that wouldn't break easily and put them in a low cabinet and trained them how to unload the dishwasher. My kids learned how to do their own laundry by the age of seven, and they were helping fold laundry before that.
You can also make other cleaning lists. I have a Google doc with a "Detailed" Cleaning List and a "Basic" or "Less Detailed" Cleaning List, and it's shared with my husband so that either of us can print it to use at the appropriate times.
Here's an editable copy of a detailed cleaning list
And here is another editable cleaning list
Don’t make your list too complicated. Post the list so that everyone can see it.
A helpful resource: Fly Lady
Family Rules
Create a list of your family rules and the consequences.
Make a list based on your family values.
Go to the list as needed (post it somewhere).
What are the consequences? State it, so that you don't have to come up with this in the moment.
Resource: Doorposts “If Then” chart (note, it uses the King James Version. If you prefer a different version, make your own chart, using a word processing program or Canva)
You can make expectations fun, too.
Daily and Weekly Routines
Having a general schedule of how the week flows makes for a smoother week. For example:
Monday we look at maps
Tuesday we go to the library
Wednesday we pull out watercolor paints
Etc.
You may have seen an old-fashioned schedule that looks like this:
Monday: Wash clothes
Tuesday: Iron clothes
Wednesday: Mend clothes
Thursday: Shop
Friday: Clean
Saturday: Cook
Sunday: Rest
There is wisdom in this. It’s not overly-complex. Change it up to fit your lifestyle. I'm guessing you don't need a full day to mend clothes anymore, since you can find replacement clothes so inexpensively at Wal-Mart.
In the book Habits of the Household, Justin Whitmel Earley says to build new habits around routines that you’ve already got going. So, let’s say your kids brush their teeth every night before bed. Add-we brush teeth, then we sing a song together, or we read a story together.
Predictability feels safe for kids.
Kids who feel safe are less likely to throw big tantrums, and the days will typically go smoother.
Kids remember the family patterns, so be intentional about this.
Routines can also help calm your stress, because there is less to think about and plan each day.
Tips for Tricky Situations
Some ways we avoid tricky situations:
Cell phone rules
No cell until they’re through certain level of math (like Pre-Algebra)
No internet on a cell phone or no social media until they are through another level of math (like Geometry)
Or, no social media at all until they are 18+ and on their own phone service
No cell until the kids need it
Gabb wireless (safer, no internet)
All electronic devices stay in family areas, they never go into bedrooms
Reward with screen time:
Screen time is not something kids just get because they exist or because screens are so prevalent
I don't recommend handing toddlers a cell phone or tablet to pacify them in public.
This creates an attitude of entitlement around screens.
Plus it's unhealthy for a whole host of other reasons.
Our girls say “My room is clean, I did my math, can I use my phone?”
Model appropriate screen time:
Mute your phone
Don’t use it during school time
Verbalize how you're using your phone as a tool (as opposed to scrolling social media) so that your kids will learn the proper uses for cell phones
Set up spaces and times when it's okay to veg on your phone. For example, only look through Instagram in a particular chair, in the afternoon...And nowhere else, and at no other time.
Use rewards/incentives
When we’re done with math, we’re going to the library
When we’re done reading this book, we’ll go to a coffee shop and do school there
Only things that will actually incentivize your kids or this could backfire
Food:
We don’t buy food with artificial colors or flavors
We try to buy as much “real” food as possible
Behaviors
Fighting
Sickness in the house (We rarely get sick, and never get stomach bugs. My theory is that factory-farmed meat plays a big role in stomach bugs, but that's just my opinion...)
Food impacts moods
Get outside time
Get active time
Some kids need a lot more activity than others
If a child is being extra moody, distracting, or difficult, here are some tricks we have used:
Before it gets to blatant sin that requires discipline…Try to help the child regulate, by…
Change of scenery
Go on a “hunt” for something
March, stomp, skip, follow the leader
Limbic system, helps brain shift gears
Go outside
Jump on a trampoline
Jumping Jacks
Stretches
Swedish Drills
Get silly
Read a joke book
Start a pillow fight or a food fight if you’re brave
Start singing really loud
Snuggle
It might be the last thing you want to do, but it might be what your child needs
Do whatever you know the child needs to connect
Pull out snacks
Food can change the atmosphere
It might be a blood sugar issue
Separate siblings
You go on this couch, you on this couch, etc.
Quiet time-kids in separate rooms or spaces
Let them fidget
Silly putty
Legos
Knitting, crocheting
Drawing
Call Grandma
Kids will likely be pleasant with Grandma when they may not be with you & it will shift their brain.
Pull out a craft project
Have tea time
Play a game
This isn't to reward the child for their behaviors, but it's all an attempt to get them connecting with you and to get their brain to shift.
If the behaviors progress, it’s time to go to the rule and consequence chart together.
If a child asks a million nonsense questions all day or interrupts with a ton of ideas:
Rubberbands to wear like bracelets
This is how many questions you get today
10 per day or 15 or whatever you choose
Turn this in every time you ask a question
This isn't to be mean, but to save your sanity. Nobody can handle a million questions all day long.
If a child tries to argue with you:
Oh bummer, I love you sweetie, but I don’t have time to argue with you right now. Can we make an appointment? Let’s say 3 o’clock
At 3, the child will say they don’t want to argue anymore
This isn't to make fun of them, but to make the environment fun, and joyful. If things are going to be hard, let's have fun with it and make it smoother, in whatever healthy way we can.
Last, I want to encourage you, it’s okay to outsource.
You’re not a failure if you do.
You can outsource by:
Finding a tutor
Enrolling a child in some classes
Hiring a maid
Paying someone to deliver your groceries
Remember the first two points--REST and BE YOU. You are okay.
Thank you for hanging out with me today!